Berkshire kicked off the first in a series of Pro Vita Saturday morning programs with a focus on one of our core values: Resilience. In partnership with The Depth Mentoring Institute, who led workshops held in small dorm/dorm-affiliate groups, students took a deep dive into the qualities and behaviors that strengthen resilience while learning about some of the tools they can use to practice it.  

We were thrilled to welcome back four alumni to share their thoughts on the topic during a panel discussion led by All-School Co-President Nathalie Fenton '26 and Co-Head Prefect Will Reynolds '26. The discussion connected how the practices shared in the workshops extend into life in college and beyond. An enormous thank you to Ana Alvarenga '15, Burke Bogardus '23, Jay Cronze '09, and Emily Liu '20, for sharing their humor and insights and spending time with our community! 

The below is an excerpt of their discussion, edited for length. 

Nathalie Fenton: What are some of the challenges or changes you faced at Berkshire that tested your resilience, and what resources helped you through them?

Ana Alvarenga:
My senior year, I tried out for the musical, and I really, really, wanted to be in it. I got a call back, but then I didn't make it, and I was really upset about it. And I think that sounds a little silly, but what helped me in that moment were my dormmates in Spurr. I went back and played squash.  My coach Mrs. Bullock and everyone on the team, all welcomed me back with open arms, and we went on with the season. I think what helped me the most was going back to the people who supported me at Berkshire.

Jay Cronze:
For me, coming to Berkshire was just such a unique experience. I’m from Pittsfield, which is a lot different than Berkshire. So it was an adjustment to being with people from all over the world here as well as the big difference from a socioeconomic standpoint. I think the biggest challenge was adjusting and trying to stay true to myself and who I was while making those relationships and connections.

Will Reynolds: Have you faced changes or challenges in your life since your time at Berkshire, and what were the resources you used to get through them? 

Burke Bogardus:
I went through my whole high school career as a student-athlete. I was recruited to play soccer at Union, even though I identified as a hockey player. During that transition to college, I didn't really care where I went to school that much. When I got there, I relied on my sports to carry me through the challenges I faced. But after playing two years of college soccer, I decided I wanted to try to see who I was outside of being a student-athlete. So I focused on myself, and my friends, and it was a really hard experience. It was actually difficult to manage so much extra down time, which sounds weird, but I was able to get through it with a close social group, my family, of course, and some really good advisors.

Nathalie: Does anyone want to share what resilience means to them? And if you could give your high school self one piece of advice, what would it be?

Emily Liu:
I think two things that are really helpful for me to think about are: First, telling myself that doing 1% of something is better than doing 0%. Sometimes I let myself make perfect be the enemy of good, when really sometimes you just need to get started. 
And second, since spending my freshman year of college mostly on the internet with a 12-hour time difference because of COVID, I felt so disconnected from my class and in many ways, behind. I was always comparing myself to other people and thinking that everyone else was already more settled and just doing better. It was really self-defeating, and at some point, you have to let go of comparison, think about what you're doing every single day, and just focus on yourself.

Ana:
Yes, perfect is definitely the enemy of the good. There are a lot of folks at Berkshire who are student-athletes, and I think for all of you who are going to play sports in college, just be ready. It's going to be different. It will take more time in your schedule, and you may have to fight to get minutes. And that's okay. So don't get down on yourself if that does happen.

Jay:
I'd probably tell myself to advocate a bit more for myself. I think as you go on in life, you start to figure out what that voice is and what that means to you. Resiliency is not this defined moment where you say, "All right, I'm resilient now. I got it all sorted." It’s something that I'm still working on to this day in terms of my job or of day-to-day challenges. So don't be hard on yourself, know that resilience is something that's fluid, and that you'll keep working to define in each phase of your life.

Burke:
A piece of advice I'd give to myself would be to try new things. Right now, I'm trying rock climbing, which I've never done before, and that has been a really fun experience. Resilience to me is being able to develop and stick to a routine when you don't feel like you have the time or the energy to do so. 

Will: In today's world of social media, global uncertainty, and high expectations, what do you see as the most important skills students should develop to remain resilient?

Emily:
One of the most important things you can do is connect to the people around you and find your community. Realize that there are so many people out there who care about you and are there to support you. It’s important to be able to ask for help and also be of service to others by helping them out. Doing those things can be amazing in terms of helping you realize you're not alone and that you don’t have to face everything by yourself.

Jay:
Yes, that resonates a ton. Everything is not on this phone right here in your pocket. It’s really easy to get sucked into whatever you think that world is, but it's not the real world. The real world is the people that are around you and, to Emily's point, that are there to support you. So definitely checking in on your people and making sure that you're continuing to build that community and make those real connections is key.

Nathalie: A question from the audience: How can you balance your emotions and make time for yourself while also practicing resilience? 

Ana:
I think that you should always carve out time in your routine for things that make you feel good. I know that if I don't get a certain amount of workouts in the morning, it weighs me down. I’m not able to get the stress off my body. That’s just one example, but it could be anything you like to do. 

Emily:
A mantra that I sometimes tell myself is that you can't hate yourself better. If you're always beating yourself up over every single thing that you didn't do or that you wish you did differently, that is such a negative place to come from to work towards any goal. And at some point you just have to first forgive yourself, have a lot of compassion for yourself, actually love yourself, and then everything else comes from there.


Burke:
I recognize that doing stuff that genuinely makes me happy, and taking breaks to do that stuff, has really helped me focus for long periods of time. If I take a 30-minute break after class, and then I have a paper to do, I’ll take a break to do something fun first, and then I can accomplish what I need to do.


Nathalie: What have you learned from Berkshire that's helped you in the real world?

Emily:
One thing that was so wonderful about Berkshire was that I had so many opportunities to reinvent myself and do completely different things. I was forced to do sports for the first time, and then I did all these classes like improv or ceramics or things that I never imagined doing back in middle school in Shanghai.

I was hyper aware that I had all these opportunities and only three years to do everything. I would rather deal with the pain and regret of trying something and failing at it than the pain of regretting that I didn't do something, so I was constantly trying new things. Sometimes doing well at them, oftentimes being absolutely horrible. But everybody is so busy that, honestly, people don't notice if you're really bad at something and you fail quietly because everyone's just focused on their own lives. So take this time to try new things and be bad at them because it’s okay.